Only If For A Night
by GirlDressedInBlack
Summary: Some nights they aren't at war. Some nights they just enjoy each other's company and watch the stars. Only for that night they become normal, just people- just Two Rebel Time Lords- no longer the Deathless and the Wanderer. Twentieth oneshot of the Florence Collection


I was writing this at a turning point and this was very cathartic and I cried so I hope that this makes you feel things too.

* * *

The Mistress stares out at the stars, pinpricks of light all around them like spilt sugar, as she thinks of red fields and running hand in hand, tumbling head over feet, deeply, hard, in love and in fear and in darkness. It's so light now that it almost feels like it burns her as she smiles and turns to the Doctor, tears in her eyes, and lays her head on their shoulder.

Even though she knows it will have to end she takes solace in this moment and the comfort of being able to touch them so simply with no expectation on either side of it having any meaning other than mutual comfort of contact. The tears only spell out relief on her cheeks as she lets them fall for once.

The grin that takes her face is unconflicted and wide and she swallows down, letting herself feel every emotion that turns within her, the sad so overwhelmed by the happy that it leaves no trace of bitterness.

They don't need to speak or look at each other anymore.

The time for that is over.

Still, she hears in the way their head comes to rest on top of hers the words they don't need to tell her.

_It's okay._

_I'll be okay._

_You'll be okay._

_We'll both be fine._

The Mistress breathes and the breath shudders a little.

"I'm going to leave." She says, "I might never be back."

She swallows again.

"Do you understand?" She asks, needing, needing, needing them to understand what she means.

Now she doesn't need to contemplate what they're thinking, head above hers, or think about what they're feeling.

It's freeing.

"I do." They reply. Their voice is rough but warm, like old leather gloves.

"And how do you feel?" She asks, unable to stop herself and just curious, wanting their happiness, wanting them to be okay but not quite believing it.

The Doctor shifts under her head.

"Well. I feel a little bit sad obviously. But… I'm glad. I'm so glad that we can both move on now, that we can both become better than what we are now. Any sadness we feel now- time will soften that." They explain, halting in places as they think through their words, testing each one for truth.

The Mistress can't help but chuckle at that, feeling such a warm fondness that she sighs after, smiling.

"It's funny that I've always been the smart one..." She teases, eyes closed to the stars as she lets herself feel the warmth and solidity of their support, "And yet you are the one being so calm and practical about all of this."

And the Doctor laughs too, just as much warmth in their voice.

"So are you." They point out.

Missy smiles more, feels it etch into her cheeks.

"Do you want to spend the night here?" She asks, "Until the stars fade from sight?"

It's relieving that she doesn't mind what response they make and yet it's nice that they say yes. It's what she'd wanted.

She remembers having wanted to fight when she'd first found out about her fate, about it hurting so much that she'd wanted to tear them down so she wouldn't have to face it or them.

It feels strange now that she'd wanted that- like a dream.

Now she just wants to move on to what she knows is her end, has known since she received this body.

She doesn't want to fight them in any way now and she knows that they accept her surrender and that they save her. They've told her as much through omission and guilt.

She so tired that she thinks it's strange how much love she feels for this surrender that she's about to enact.

It's funny how much love she feels for them though they both know that the time for that has passed.

It hurts to say it and yet she still manages it, lips trembling as they form a smile and she rests her hand on theirs, expecting and wanting nothing.

"I wish we had more than just this night."


End file.
